Facing Reality: Lessons From Illusions, ANTM and Improv

11 11 2007

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re trying to reach your friends to talk about some deep issue in your life and no one seems to be available? That’s kinda what happened to me today. After an AMAZING service today at Buckhead Church I felt like I still needed to process through what God was saying and at the time I felt like I needed to discuss it all with some other believers. You see, Jeff Henderson started a series today called "Illusions" and he was talking about how we have to be real with ourselves and with God and step out of the shadows and into the light to let God deal with all the junk that’s really in our hearts.

It was a powerful message because so many times we try to hide behind this persona like we’ve got it all together, when it’s really only our pride keeping us from the truth. For me, I know I often have a tendency to hide my feelings because I don’t want to burden people with my issues or I think that nobody really cares about what I have to say. The whole time while Jeff was speaking I was thinking how easy it is for me to get caught up in my own habits. While people think everything is all good, I continue to struggle with fear, insecurity, selfishness, you name it…I could go on and on as I’m sure many of us could. But God knows the real story…

So as I drove home after church I was listening to David Crowder’s new CD "Remedy." By the time I pulled up in front of my apartment I just burst into tears. Why? Because if it weren’t for God in my life, I think I’d really be a complete train wreck. Really. And I haven’t even got it all together even with Him in my life, so I can only imagine what it’d be like without him. Somewhere between the Illusions sermon and song #5 – "Never Let Go" I once again faced the reality that I so need God. The only way I’m making it through this world and doing half the things I’m doing is because I’m leaning on Him every step of the way. Well, I guess I didn’t need to talk to anybody after all. I just needed to be in His presence…

So I got home and I had time to kill before my improv class so I started watching the America’s Next Top Model reruns. I finally figured out why I’m so intrigued by that show and all these other crazy competition shows. It’s seeing people’s dreams come true. Like when they announced the winner for that season and the girl started crying because she won, I started crying too. Because here’s a girl who never thought her dream would come true. And here it is–coming true. And so often I feel the same way. Like I’ll never make it. But rest in God is all I need.

So then I go to my improv class. Whether or not you know anything about improv, you should know that it is HARD! And it’s kicking my butt!! But I’m having fun. And I’m learning. One of the things that I learned is that I am self-conscious and I like to hide and I hesitate a lot because I don’t want to be "wrong." Hmmm sounds familiar…like another Illusion to me…It all comes full circle. I’ll never get over my insecurities, I’ll never reach my dreams, I’ll never be good at improv until I stop hiding and hesitating and just start leaning on God a little more.




3 responses

12 11 2007

OMG . . . I had that exact sentiment watching ANTM a while back. It was a marathon showing the season when Eva won. She won and started crying, and I started crying, too. But my tears were self-pity tears. I even said out loud, “Her dreams are coming true, I want my dreams to come true.” I felt really petty and selfish in that moment, but at the same time it afforded me a new clarity about where my priorities needed to lie.

12 11 2007

Hey Avril! Thanks for stopping by my blog and for welcoming me to the team! Ironically, I’m pretty sure that I’ve actually seen your name on the schedule before and I remembered it–one, because it’s unique, and two, because it’s on there a LOT! Glad to find a fellow Buckhead video enthusiast in the blogosphere, and I’m sure that our paths will cross soon enough–also, I’ll second your opinion on Sunday’s message…powerful!!

12 11 2007

Okay, I like this blog thing. But I did have a hard time trying to find out how to respond back. Is this the right way?
Your Sis

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