…Because He Made Us That Way

17 11 2007

Every now and then I need to do something that makes me uncomfortable. I think it helps me grow.

I just finished the fashion show and boy am I glad that’s over with. Not that it was so terrible. But something about getting all made up and putting on a short dress that shows off my legs was a little bit scary yet liberating for me. You see, I’ve always been very self-conscious about my weight. I’ve been ridiculed and made fun of enough as a kid that I’ve grown up believing that I am less attractive because of my size. So naturally I was hoping that I would get to walk the runway with something long and flowy that I could hide behind. But instead the designer handed me the short, long-sleeved, turtleneck dress and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed because I just knew I’d look like a complete idiot.

But I thought to myself, "What are you gonna do about it now? Are you gonna not do the fashion show? Or are you gonna run and hide somewhere for the rest of the night?" There was really nothing I could do. As I looked around at all the other girls I realized that I was not the only one who was slim and that nobody else really seemed to be that concerned about it. So I made a decision to suck up my discomfort and just go on out there and have a good time. I still think I probably looked like an idiot but aw well. Who cares? At the end of the day, who really cares? Most people said I looked beautiful but even if I did look like an idiot when people go to bed tonight do I really think they care enough to say to themselves "that girl in the short dress with the afro looked really dumb?" No. I don’t think so. After the show several people came up to me and told me how beautiful I was. And these were people I didn’t even know. You know because sometimes it feels like your friends are supposed to say good things about you, but when strangers tell you, it’s like they really didn’t have to so somehow it seems real.

I often find it interesting that God made us the way that he did. He made us so that we can’t  see ourselves the way others do. Of course, we can always see ourselves in a mirror. But we never know how we look in the eyes of other people. Like I think I looked like an idiot but other people saw me as beautiful. So many times we look at other people, whether it’s celebrities on TV or people on our job, or people we see on the street, and we think–wow, they’re so pretty, or they’re so smart, they’re so …. and that person could be thinking the exact opposite of themselves.

Growing up with such low self-esteem, one of the biggest consolation prizes for me when I became a Christian was knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God thinks I’m beautiful. It’s taken me a long time to believe that for myself, but I think I finally do. So doing this fashion show, it wasn’t like I no longer thought I was beautiful, it’s just that I felt uncomfortable.  Uncomfortable with all those people watching me, with wearing the short dress, with walking in the high heeled shoes. But maybe, just maybe when those people told me how nice I looked, that was God speaking and reminding me once again that He thinks I’m beautiful even when I’m uncomfortable and that that should be enough. God made us in His image exactly the way He wanted us to be. And even though we may be unhappy with parts of ourselves, maybe when other people give us compliments that’s God speaking to all of us, telling us that we’re ok, because He made us that way…

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works,  And that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14




One response

18 11 2007

How wonderful!! You look absolutely Voguishly, Beautiful.No,not just because I’m related either. Your pics look great. You must give me the details of your day since we didn’t hear from ya. You were definitely in our thoughts.
Luv Ya

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