Messy Me & Peter, The Every Guy

25 11 2007

I’ve been thinking the past couple days about what it means for me to be authentic, especially in my worship. At times in my walk with God I’ve been taught to think highly of myself because I’m a child of God. I’ve been taught that because I’m a believer I deserve certain rights, privileges and blessings. I’m not one for excessive self-depreciation. And I totally believe in blessings and favor of God. But I’m starting to find that my most authentic times of worship are when I am aware of how much of a mess I am. Sometimes I say the wrong things, I think the wrong things, I do the wrong things. Sometimes I don’t read my Bible because I just don’t feel like it. Sometimes I fail to pray. But it’s those moments when I’m aware of my imperfection that I become fully aware of God’s perfection and it makes me worship Him more. How can we really worship God without acknowledging the fact that we are nothing without Him? That’s what’s so amazing about grace. He made me righteous even though I am not righteousness. It’s an amazing oxymoron and that’s what keeps me coming back to Him on my knees.

Today at church the sermon was about Peter’s defining moment when Jesus challenged him about the temple tax (Matthew 17:24-27). Sometimes I wonder how come Peter doesn’t get more props as a hero of the Bible. He was a guy who often said the wrong things, thought the wrong things, and did the wrong things. But yet in the end he became a powerful apostle full of faith. I can only imagine how he must have felt during those early days of the church. I mean this was the guy who cut a man’s ear off to do what he thought was protecting his boy. But Peter feels the most like me. He’s the every guy. I know plenty of people who would have done some of the same things Peter did, including myself. Jennifer Knapp has a song on one of her albums called "Undo Me" and one of my favorite lines in that song is "Abba, Father, you must wonder why more times than Peter I have denied. Three nails and a cross to prove I owe my life eternally to you…" Those words too often ring true. I just wish I could have been around the see how authentic Peter’s worship was in those days following Pentecost. I wonder did he ever think about his past or his imperfections and fall to his knees, just like me…

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