Well, I made it through this weekend’s shoot. But just barely. I re-learned a very important lesson this weekend that I really do have my own style of filmmaking and that that doesn’t always gel with everyone. Shandra was great to work with and she got some really great shots. But outside of working with her, that was a very difficult 14 hours for me because I don’t feel like I did a very good job as AD (Assistant Director). Days like that make you feel like you’re a freakin’ moron and like you’re the scum of the earth. I guess I just like for things to be productive but still laid back. And my style as an artist? Guerrilla. I’m a Renegade. I like to go against the grain and do my own thing. Too many people in this industry take themselves too seriously and then filmmaking becomes a chore rather than fun. Overall I feel I did ok on the shoot but there were several areas where I feel like I dropped the ball and I could have
done better, and at the end of the day I think I really pissed some
people off. Today I had to keep reminding myself that I’ve made two feature films one of which has won a couple of awards. I’m a great director, a great writer, and a great editor. But AD’ing is not really my thing…especially on shoots where I just don’t feel good vibrations…I think it’s hard for creative people to be ADs. I guess that’s why they say that ADs usually move into being producers, not directors. And Lord knows I hate producing…
Thank God I did production at church today. That helped re-boost my confidence level a lot. It’s good to go somewhere where you feel appreciated and valued as an artist and a human being.