The Teacher Wants to Learn

19 09 2008

The other day I had a revelation that I started graduate school over ten years ago. 10 YEARS AGO!! Geez. I'm getting old. It's been 5 1/2 years since I graduated from Columbia University and I graduated later than I should have. Time flies.

As happy as I was to get out of that place, the truth is that I miss school. I miss being among academia. Being among the thinkers, the scholars. I loved the Columbia library, even though I didn't spend as much time in there as I would have liked to. Being a film production student didn't warrant too many opportunities to do scholarly research but every now and then I got that chance. I used to love writing papers when I was in college. Especially when I was in undergrad. It was quite a joyful experience for me to come up with a topic and then explore it from a number of different viewpoints.

Deep down inside I really wish I could go back to school. I say that as if I can't go back to school. Well, I can, I just can't afford it. Every now and then I look up some PhD programs to see what they entail and most of them seem to take a very long time to complete. I just can't afford to rack up another round of student loans. I wish I could go to school full-time and get my doctorate on some kind of scholarship. But what would I study? The possibilities seem so endless. At one point I wanted to go to seminary. I had looked into Fuller Theological Seminary in California. Today I was on Emory's website and they have a PhD program that is interdisciplinary and lets you combine a number of interests such as religion, film studies, women studies, etc. All three of those are issues of high interest to me and I really would like to pursue them.

But I have some fears. Like…

…Again, the money issue.
…Taking the GRE (Columbia didn't require any entrance exams to get in so I never took it).
…Even though I love research, it's been a long time since I've done it and I'm scared I don't have the chops anymore
…It might take FOREVER.
…Every full-time college student I know is practically broke and I don't want to be broke.

…But I'm sure it'd be worth it if I got past my fears, to be able to sit in a classroom on the other side of the desk again…

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