What’s Happening To Me???

8 05 2009

100_1775 Last night I went to Chase's first talent show at his school. We were all so proud of him, he danced to Scream from High School Musical. I'm not sure exactly when my nephew got so big. One day he was a little rugrat of a child, and now all of a sudden he's got permanent teeth and long legs and he's trying to breakdance onstage.

And I'll never forget the day he stopped calling me Re-Ro. I thought I was going to cry. Yep, yep, I guess he realized one day that Re-Ro was for babies and he started calling me Auntie Avril. It was then that I knew that my life as an Auntie was changing…

But something else happened while I was at the talent show last night. As many of the children got up to perform, I could feel myself fighting on the inside. Looking at the joy on their faces as they shared their talent with their small world, watching their excitement when they ran off the stage and collapsed into the arms of a loving, doting parent, I often had to fight to hold back….tears. There was a longing there to have one of those children run into my arms. There was a longing to squeeze a little girl (or boy) and rock them in my arms and tell them how wonderful they were. I think in that moment, I wanted children…

The odd thing is that this is not the first time I've felt this way. The past few months I've been having these crying spells quite often, particularly when I see kids. I subscribe to a few blogs of women who often write about their children and their families and when I read them, I literally burst into tears because it just feels so special. It's a little weird for me because I have NEVER as long as I can remember been one to really obsess or even be that concerned about having children. It's never really been that big of a deal to me. Whenever someone would ask me if I wanted children, my response would be "The jury is still out on that one." They just always seemed like too much work and too much sacrifice for my selfish behind.

But more and more I'm finding myself wanting a bundle of joy. Am I crazy??? What's happening to me???

Incidentally, I was just on Twitter and someone posted a link to this video of Halle Berry and her baby. It's really sad that when you get famous you can't even enjoy a simple thing like having lunch with your daughter. It just made me think if that's what happens when you're famous and you have a baby, I don't ever want to be that famous. 




One response

12 05 2009

I can definitely relate!! You know I was there most of my adult life.. And then I fell in love, got married and my no ways changed to yes, and here is Chase. It is definitely an experience like none other. Some days good, some days Lord give me strength LOL.. But it is definitely unconditional love like none other.

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