For those of you who follow this blog, you probably know by now my thoughts about singleness. For the most part, I’m cool with it. I don’t say that to mean that I never want to get married. That would be nice…one day. But just as people place so much value in marriage, I think that society and the church should place that much value into singleness as well. As a matter of fact, in the Bible, Paul tells the Corinthians that it’s a good thing to stay single. Why we un-hitched folks like to skip that part of the Bible, I don’t know…:-)
But that being said, there are some things that plague me about this whole singleness thing. The older I get, the more painful it becomes to see my dear friends agonize over when God will send their mate. Some might say to tell them to just get over it, but I’ve seen the pain and defeat in their eyes and it’s devastating. And in those instances I can’t help but to wonder “God why won’t you fix this?? Just send them a mate, already.” It seems like it should be so simple for Him to do.
The other thing that plagues me is just how hard it is for all singles, but Christian singles in particular, to connect. Every Christian single I talk to has this same dilemma. They expect to find their mate in church. That seems logical, but no likely prospects are to be found. In the last 15 or so years since I’ve been a Christian, I’ve been a member of/attended 8 churches and for varying reasons, the number of single men was slim to none. Well, one church had a good number of single men but the church was so big that trying to find them and connect with them was an issue.
Sometimes it just seems like if God was so excited about Christian marriages, he could have made them a little bit more accessible, especially for people who really, really desire it–and for good reasons–not people who just want to get married to fulfill their lusts.
While I don’t know the answer to these questions, I do know that marriage is serious business. And I guess anything good worth having is worth waiting for. Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear two GREAT sermons about love, dating and marriage that I think everyone–but especially singles–should hear. The first message was from Buckhead Church and it was called “The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating.” You can download that here. The second message was from my church, Restoration Church and it was called “Marriage is God’s Design.” You can download that here.
What blessed me so much about both messages, but especially the one at my church, was that it confirmed for me that I don’t want just any ole’ marriage. I’m looking to build. I’ve been in several relationships in the past that were broken off (whether by me or by the other party) because as right as it seemed on the surface, nothing good or of value was being built in the relationship. Although it hurt at the time, I couldn’t just settle for anything just so that I could walk down an aisle. Settling never works, so singleness is the time for, as Andy Stanley says, becoming “who the person you’re looking for is looking for” and sticking to standards. While I don’t know if this provides any consolation for my hurting friends, I believe it to be true. So I just continue to pray that God will heal hearts and draw hearts together in due time…