So I’m reading this book called “Pursuing Christ, Creating Art” by Gary Molander. I think I told you guys about it in yesterday’s post. I’m at a point in the book where he’s talking about some of the pitfalls that artists go through and things that hinder them. One of the pitfalls that he talked about is Accountability (or the lack thereof) when it comes to creating art. Accountability can come in the form of telling someone so that they can hold you to something, or it can come in the form of just setting a deadline, putting a date on the calendar. I have to admit that often it takes me forever to finish a project, mainly for two reasons. The first is that most times I don’t set deadlines. As he says in the book, Someday is not a real day. Or I set deadlines and don’t honor them. I need to repent of this. As a result, I have lots of videos, lots of screenplays, lots of ideas that are sitting on my computer waiting to be realized.
The second reason for my constant delay is huge and it directly affects reason #1. The second reason is fear. Molander talks about how as artists, God is constantly calling us to die to self. He says,
“If you are a Christian who has anything to do with presenting any art to the world, then I promise that God is conforming you into the likeness His Son…And if you have anything to do with presenting any art to your world, then I also promise that God’s conforming work is coming your way in the form of a Divine invitation. The offer of the Divine invitation is not to Twitter fame, or to blog greatness…God’s invitation to all of us is to die.”
I believe that fear cripples many of us, not just artists. But Molander asserts that most artists are usually struggling with crucifying their flesh when it comes to fear and/or pride. Once we accept this reality, we experience life and we can create God-inspired art.
I already know that I struggle very deeply with fear when it comes to my art. I think I’ve even talked about it before on this blog. Fear that people won’t like it. Fear that it’s not good. Fear that no one will “get it.” I also know that my fear escalates anytime I finish a big project. It’s a cycle where I get the courage to do a project, and then it’s followed by months or even years before I get the courage to do another one. So many times I don’t share what I’m working on, and I don’t seek accountability because I’m afraid of even the possibility of putting my work out there for scrutiny. This pains me in the depths of my soul because I believe that God created me to be an artist. I believe I have something to say. But my flesh gets in the way of me doing and being that. It’s not money, not circumstances, not people. It’s me.
So today, here is a moment of accountability. I am writing a book. It’s about my convergence of faith. I haven’t really told anybody about this book because I’ve been afraid to put it out there, and as a result I have come up with a gazillion excuses as to why I haven’t finished it yet. I am this close to finishing the book. It is already formatted and assembled, it just needs to be edited and proofread (any volunteers? :-). I want people to read the book. Not because it’s so grand, but because I think it really could possibly be a blessing to people. Or at the very least, make them think about some things when it comes to their life and God’s place in it. I’m sharing this with you all because hopefully you my Convergence readers will help hold me accountable. I want to have this book completed before I start school, which is September 24. And there you have it. There is my moment of accountability. Now please pray with me that I can battle this fear…
“…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control…” – 2 Timothy 1:7
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” – Psalms 27:1