When Your Own Words Haunt You…

3 09 2012

So I was prepared to write a blog about my first three weeks here in California. I was going to tell you about how much I’m loving the weather and the beach and the mountains and the friendly people. I was going to tell you about how God has blessed me with wonderful people here on the west coast, some of whom I have never met before in my life, and how they have opened up their arms and homes to me in ways that I never expected.

That is until I opened my email.

You see, earlier today I was just at the beach having a conversation with a friend of mine about how I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my career right now and that sometimes I feel like I don’t want to make movies anymore. The truth is deep down in my heart I don’t feel like there is any truth to that statement. But I just get so frustrated sometimes and I feel like my wildest dreams are impossible. Not so much frustrated at the industry itself, but just in terms of the things that I want to do with this medium of film. I came home and saw an email from one of my pastors in DC that they had published stories from some of the members on their website, including my own. I read the story that I wrote almost 3 months ago and was reminded of the passion and desire I have to see truth in story. It was these two little sentences:

“I believe that my past experiences with God and the church are just part of a bigger story that God is telling to help draw people to Him. It is humbling to know that through all the phases of my life, God still loved me and was reaching out for me, and that is a message I look forward to putting on the big screen.”

They reminded me why I moved out here to California to go to Fuller Seminary in the first place. My eyes filled with tears because it reminded me to keep going, to keep trusting, to keep seeking after God and to see His glory in the arts.

I don’t want to give up filmmaking. I don’t know how this whole thing is going to work out or come together, but I do know that I still have stories to tell. Aside from all that, I know that God is sovereign and that He has a plan for the arts. Sometimes it’s so helpful to write things down. Your own words from the past can help bring clarity to cloudy situations in the present. There is a bigger picture here. Hopefully you all will continue to go with me on this journey over the next few years to figure out what this whole God and film thing looks like…

To read my story in it’s entirety, you can visit the Restoration Church website below. Actually, you should really read everybody’s story on there because they are all amazing people that are very dear to me and have had amazing journeys of faith…

http://www.restorationchurchdc.com/stories/

Also, if you get a chance, check this little blurb on Fuller’s website about some of the new incoming students including yours truly!  Once again, my own words on that page speak truth about me even when I can’t see it for myself. If you want more details about the last leg of my road trip or about Cali living, email me! 🙂

http://www.fuller.edu/About-Fuller/News-and-Events/Home-Feature-Stories/Back-to-School-2012-2013/New-Students-Share-their-Stories–Avril-Speaks.aspx

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2 responses

4 09 2012
Naima

Wonderful, Avril! Love both articles and pics. Beautiful and inspirational. So glad you’re here in LaLa Land and looking forward to those stories coming into fruition. Go forth!

4 09 2012
azuspeak

Thanks lady!

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