#60Movies – Day 6: Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

9 01 2013

Synopsis:A woman interviews several different men in order to get answers for her dissertation as to why men act the way they do, particularly in relationships.

My Takeaway:A very interesting film. I wanted to see it when it was in theaters but I missed it. I didn’t know at the time that it was directed by John Krasinski (The Office, Promised Land), but finding that out made it more endearing, as did the casting of some of my other favorites including Will Arnett and Rashida Jones. This film was very clever and artful in its style and technique. It felt very “NY” in its polished grit and almost Woody Allen-esque in its sensibility.

As far as themes, this film is a reminder that men have a story too. As much as we as women want to hate them when they do silly and/or bad things, they usually do have feelings and are human beings too. It confirmed the theme that I tried to explore in my second film, “Sophisticated Romance”, that men desire relationships too.

Some of the stories of the men in this film can be disturbing, and the fact that this was adapted from a book become painfully evident in some of the poetic monologues. Overall, I give it 3 1/2 stars.


Writing the Vision…Part 2

14 01 2012

Here is another old post–this time from June 2006. A nice inspiration to seize the opportunities that come our way…Be encouraged!


Taking the Limits Off – June 2006

I wish I had been more specific in my New Year’s resolution. It just
seems like something I would have said on the one day when you’re still
optimistic that everything is possible for the year to come.

“This is the year I’m taking the limits off.”

just had that epiphany today, on June 29, 2006. I guess that’s
significant since I am halfway through the year. But I’m taking the
limits off what? Off my thoughts about God, about love, about my
career, about life.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far
this year, it’s how much I have put God into a box with my own thinking
of how He should be loved, how He should be praised. I’ve put God into
a box in terms of what He looks like, what He sounds like, and how He
expresses His love toward me. When I joined my church, I took the
limits off what church should look like and even sound like and I feel
like I’ve touched a whole different side of God’s persona in the

I took the limits off of love–that’s right, I ripped
up my list the other night. Now I’m free to still dream about all the
different possibilities of love. Period. And not be caught up by
pre-conceived requirements that I conjured up after strings of broken

I’m taking the limits off my career…who said I have
to be a filmmaker or a writer? Why can’t I be both? Why can’t I be
neither? I could very well pursue my other dream to go to seminary and
become a biblical scholar…Or I could be filmmaker/writer/bible
scholar all in one…I could write religious books about pop culture
and then make reality shows about it…who knows, the sky is the

This life is so precious and so full of opportunities
that are knocking at our door…Sometimes we’re just so afraid to even
open the door. What are we afraid of? Are we afraid that we might
discover we were wrong? Are we afraid that our belief system will be
challenged, knocked off its rocker? Or maybe we’re just afraid to find
out that there’s more out there beyond what we can see, beyond what we
already know, that just might help us awaken yet another aspect of our
God-given design…

The Beauty of Waiting (For All the Single Ladies…)

11 05 2011

I just had to post this! My favorite line: “I will no longer get weighted down from so-called friends and family talks about the concern from a biological clock when I serve the author of time…” Love it!! Listen and learn…

The Mystery Called Singleness

3 05 2011

For those of you who follow this blog, you probably know by now my thoughts about singleness. For the most part, I’m cool with it. I don’t say that to mean that I never want to get married. That would be nice…one day. But just as people place so much value in marriage, I think that society and the church should place that much value into singleness as well. As a matter of fact, in the Bible, Paul tells the Corinthians that it’s a good thing to stay single. Why we un-hitched folks like to skip that part of the Bible, I don’t know…:-)

But that being said, there are some things that plague me about this whole singleness thing. The older I get, the more painful it becomes to see my dear friends agonize over when God will send their mate. Some might say to tell them to just get over it, but I’ve seen the pain and defeat in their eyes and it’s devastating. And in those instances I can’t help but to wonder “God why won’t you fix this?? Just send them a mate, already.” It seems like it should be so simple for Him to do.

The other thing that plagues me is just how hard it is for all singles, but Christian singles in particular, to connect. Every Christian single I talk to has this same dilemma. They expect to find their mate in church. That seems logical, but no likely prospects are to be found. In the last 15 or so years since I’ve been a Christian, I’ve been a member of/attended 8 churches and for varying reasons, the number of single men was slim to none. Well, one church had a good number of single men but the church was so big that trying to find them and connect with them was an issue.

Sometimes it just seems like if God was so excited about Christian marriages, he could have made them a little bit more accessible, especially for people who really, really desire it–and for good reasons–not people who just want to get married to fulfill their lusts.

While I don’t know the answer to these questions, I do know that marriage is serious business. And I guess anything good worth having is worth waiting for. Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear two GREAT sermons about love, dating and marriage that I think everyone–but especially singles–should hear. The first message was from Buckhead Church and it was called “The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating.” You can download that here. The second message was from my church, Restoration Church and it was called “Marriage is God’s Design.” You can download that here.

What blessed me so much about both messages, but especially the one at my church, was that it confirmed for me that I don’t want just any ole’ marriage. I’m looking to build. I’ve been in several relationships in the past that were broken off (whether by me or by the other party) because as right as it seemed on the surface, nothing good or of value was being built in the relationship. Although it hurt at the time, I couldn’t just settle for anything just so that I could walk down an aisle. Settling never works, so singleness is the time for, as Andy Stanley says, becoming “who the person you’re looking for is looking for” and sticking to standards. While I don’t know if this provides any consolation for my hurting friends, I believe it to be true. So I just continue to pray that God will heal hearts and draw hearts together in due time…

The Stamp of Approval

26 03 2011

IMG_0285 The last few years I've made it a point whenever I go to a marriarge ceremony to listen closely to the vows that are being exchanged. After all, I figure if/when I ever get married, I kinda want to have a better understanding of what I'm getting myself into. But each time I attend a wedding, there's always a different part of the nuptials that grabs my attention, and today was no different.

Today I was able to witness the marriage of my friend Traci to her man Nathan. It was a beautiful wedding, and so unique to their style and personality, which I loved. It took place in a Lutheran church, so there were lots of responsive readings, and one of the responses that caught my attention came in the very beginning of the ceremony. It said this:

"Pastor: Families, friends, and all those gathered here with Traci and Nathan, will you support and care for them, sustain and pray for them in times of trouble, give thanks with them in times of joy, honor the bonds of their covenant, and affirm the love of God reflected in their life together?

Congregation: We will."

Although most weddings I've been to don't have interaction from the audience, I thought this was an interesting charge to us as guests. It made me think about how not only is marriage a commitment between two people, but it's also a time for family and friends to come together and collectively give their stamp of approval to the union.

As much as we all love to be independent, I think there's something to be said for family and friends who will stand in agreement that they will support your marriage. I also think it does little good to leave these people out of a decision to marry someone, especially since they are the ones who know you best. I can recall times in my life when I was head over heels on someone, and my parents? They weren't feeling it and neither were my friends. They ended up being right and sometimes I think to myself, what if I had ignored their advice and got married without their stamp of approval? Let's just say my life would probably be a whooole lot different than it is now…

As an attender and friend of Traci, the reading made me think about my role as a supporter called to "honor the bonds of their covenant and affirm the love of God reflected in their life together." While I have no intentions of being in Nathan and Traci's business, I did feel an extreme sense of joy today that I could say that responsive reading with sincerity, affirming along with everyone else that this union is a good thing, and that it's beautiful in God's eyes.

What was also great about today was that I got to see some of the other girls from my old small group. These lovely ladies have taught me so much about what it means to "do life together." Through all the ups and downs I love these girls and I miss them so much!

IMG_0289 IMG_0281



The Bachelor and the “Savior Complex”

15 03 2011

The Bachelor **Ok, before I say what I have to say, let me give this disclaimer. I started watching The Bachelor for research purposes. Really, it's true! My screenplay "Something Worth Waiting For" pokes fun at dating reality shows like The Bachelor and Flavor of Love, so I figured I should watch the show in order to get some tips. I'm embarrassed to admit that I am an educated woman who is also a reality TV hog; however, I have never seen The Bachelor until this season. And just like all the other terribly heinous reality shows I watch on a regular basis, I got sorta hooked after the first episode. I mean, this show didn't quite make it into appointment TV status. I didn't rearrange my schedule around it like I do some other shows, but I did look forward to finding out who got a rose each week…

That being said…I'm still a little salty that Brad chose Emily. I mean, he went on and on about how he was so into Chantel and he could have fun with her, he felt like he had a lot in common with her, and he felt like he could be himself around her…yada yada yada….And then he goes and chooses someone else. My theory? I think he was fixated on the idea that he wanted to be a father to Emily's daughter, especially since he didn't have a good relationship with his own father growing up. I mean, I think he liked Emily but I think it helped that she had a ready-made family and he could step right in and be the man of the house. Ok fine, Brad, do what you want. (But judging from the after-show, it looks like the couple has been having major problems anyway. Boy, who didn't see that coming?)

But the whole thing made me think about men in general…why is it that men–ok, I'll say some men, not all– seem to go with the "picture perfect" girl rather than the one that they actually like being around? I just don't get it. I've seen guys spend every waking moment with a girl, having fun, being themselves, feeling comfortable enough to tell all their deep dark secrets, but then when it comes time to choose a wife they go completely in the opposite direction and choose someone they have nothing in common with. Call me crazy but wouldn't you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody who's not only hot but someone you can also call a friend?

And women always get a bad rap for "missionary dating" — i.e. dating someone with hopes that they can turn the person around, i.e. they can be the one to make them get saved, or they can be the one to make them get a job and make something of their life — I think men do the same exact thing. I call it the "savior complex." I think some men secretly want to come into the lives of women and "save" them from what they see as destruction or misery. I think to an extent this is what happened with Brad and him wanting to jump in with Emily and be her daughter's, as he put it, "real father." (*scratches head–how is that even possible?). And I've seen my brothers in the church do it with women who weren't even believers or didn't even like coming to church. And people say women don't know what they want…lol. Well, I know what I don't want–someone I have nothing in common with, can't talk to, or am not friends with…but those are just my theories, to each his own…

Anywho, in other news…the rough cut of Class Picture is ready!! Woohoo! I meet with the editor in the morning so that I can look at it. I'm really excited to see the first cut. I've been in talks with the composer as well and he's putting togther some cool 80's-style music for the film as well. I'm really looking forward to having fun with this film and I can't wait to share it with you all! 

Well, here I am pulling another late-nighter as it is now 3:30 am. I love staying up late, though. I feel like I get much more done in the wee hours of the morning. But nevertheless, I do have to be up for my meeting in about 5 hours so I guess I better sign off.

Ciao for now!

The Black Church Is Not Making Me Single!!!!!

14 03 2011

Hands Ahhhh!!!! Just when I thought the madness of this article had died down…here I was about to shut my computer down for the night when I saw this come across my Twitter feed:

"More black women single, church possibly to blame – Victoria Advocate http://ow.ly/1bKNUR"

Yes, yes, author Deborah Cooper wrote a blog post last year called "The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single and Lonely," where she suggested that black Christian women should date non-Christians if we expect to beat the statistics that say black men are less likely to claim a religious affiliation than women. A couple months ago, I, along with several other panelists, was on a talk radio show with Cooper discussing her article. While I respect the woman and even many of the points made in her article, I had to keep in mind that Cooper is not a Christian and in no way, shape or form wants to be, and therefore does not understand the importance of being "yoked up" with someone of a similar faith.

But that's beside the point. And that's not what's making me angry here at 3:45 am.

What ticks me off about this is 1) that we're still talking about this article and 2) that people (not just Deborah Cooper) feel a need to place blame anywhere for singleness as if it's some of kind of wretched disease!! While I know that her blog post was only written as a response to Christian women who wrote to her complaining about not having a man, I don't blame the Black church or the White church or any other church for that matter for my singleness (I've got plenty of other issues to do that job :-). If I'm going to point a finger at anyone, I point a finger at society!! I blame society for making women believe that marriage is the end all and be all of life. I'm sure marriage is a great thing, it's a gift from God. BUT SO IS SINGLENESS!!! For once can somebody just affirm that those of us who are single are normal human beings some of which — wait a minute, here's a news flash…brace yourself — ARE HAPPY AND CONTENT! Uggg!!

Believe me, I know it's hard out here and the dating pool is not very promising these days. I'm just sick of women putting our lives on hold while we wait for men to "complete" us, and I'm sick of society being the first one to start digging our marriage grave once we hit a certain age. Oh yes, I've heard it all before "What?? You're in your 30s and you're STILL not married? What's wong with you?" "Oh, you poor thing. Don't you worry. It'll happen for one day for you too…Just keep hope alive."

Yes, I'm in my 30's–as a matter of fact I've got a birthday coming up which'll officially put me into my late 30's–and I settled a long time ago that whether I ever get married or not, MY LIFE WILL GO ON…In the words of Jill Scott "I'm living my life like it's golden…," and I think all too often singles idolize marriage, which can be dangerous. Marriage does not solve every problem, and it doesn't necessarily make one less lonely. I know of several married people who've told me that as much as they love their spouse, they still feel alone at times and only God can fulfill that.

Furthermore, I feel like if you're having troubles meeting saved black men at your church the first answer shouldn't be to go find an unsaved black man. Why not open up your options and date outside your race? We all God's children anyway…I've made that mistake before of overlooking a good, Christian man because of the color of his skin and trust me, I won't do it again! If having a man is that serious, open yourself up to the possibility…

For real, ladies, let's begin to embrace and affirm our worth, our value even now without the ring on our finger.  One day I'll post my thoughts about some of the other points made in Cooper's article, but I just had to get that off my chest…

…end rant…