Ahhhh!!!! Just when I thought the madness of this article had died down…here I was about to shut my computer down for the night when I saw this come across my Twitter feed:
"More black women single, church possibly to blame – Victoria Advocate http://ow.ly/1bKNUR"
Yes, yes, author Deborah Cooper wrote a blog post last year called "The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single and Lonely," where she suggested that black Christian women should date non-Christians if we expect to beat the statistics that say black men are less likely to claim a religious affiliation than women. A couple months ago, I, along with several other panelists, was on a talk radio show with Cooper discussing her article. While I respect the woman and even many of the points made in her article, I had to keep in mind that Cooper is not a Christian and in no way, shape or form wants to be, and therefore does not understand the importance of being "yoked up" with someone of a similar faith.
But that's beside the point. And that's not what's making me angry here at 3:45 am.
What ticks me off about this is 1) that we're still talking about this article and 2) that people (not just Deborah Cooper) feel a need to place blame anywhere for singleness as if it's some of kind of wretched disease!! While I know that her blog post was only written as a response to Christian women who wrote to her complaining about not having a man, I don't blame the Black church or the White church or any other church for that matter for my singleness (I've got plenty of other issues to do that job :-). If I'm going to point a finger at anyone, I point a finger at society!! I blame society for making women believe that marriage is the end all and be all of life. I'm sure marriage is a great thing, it's a gift from God. BUT SO IS SINGLENESS!!! For once can somebody just affirm that those of us who are single are normal human beings some of which — wait a minute, here's a news flash…brace yourself — ARE HAPPY AND CONTENT! Uggg!!
Believe me, I know it's hard out here and the dating pool is not very promising these days. I'm just sick of women putting our lives on hold while we wait for men to "complete" us, and I'm sick of society being the first one to start digging our marriage grave once we hit a certain age. Oh yes, I've heard it all before "What?? You're in your 30s and you're STILL not married? What's wong with you?" "Oh, you poor thing. Don't you worry. It'll happen for one day for you too…Just keep hope alive."
Yes, I'm in my 30's–as a matter of fact I've got a birthday coming up which'll officially put me into my late 30's–and I settled a long time ago that whether I ever get married or not, MY LIFE WILL GO ON…In the words of Jill Scott "I'm living my life like it's golden…," and I think all too often singles idolize marriage, which can be dangerous. Marriage does not solve every problem, and it doesn't necessarily make one less lonely. I know of several married people who've told me that as much as they love their spouse, they still feel alone at times and only God can fulfill that.
Furthermore, I feel like if you're having troubles meeting saved black men at your church the first answer shouldn't be to go find an unsaved black man. Why not open up your options and date outside your race? We all God's children anyway…I've made that mistake before of overlooking a good, Christian man because of the color of his skin and trust me, I won't do it again! If having a man is that serious, open yourself up to the possibility…
For real, ladies, let's begin to embrace and affirm our worth, our value even now without the ring on our finger. One day I'll post my thoughts about some of the other points made in Cooper's article, but I just had to get that off my chest…